In this time of change where we have lost loved ones—or know someone who has—it can be important to understand the phases of grief and the mourning process. Understanding allows for a more graceful process in something that can be one of the most emotionally challenging moments in our lives.
Oh Gorgeous One, the grieving process of saying goodbye to a loved one, especially a parent is an emotional roller coaster ride of profound proportions. There are phases to it, which spiral back around with the inherent request to let go and let the Unconditional Love of Divine Light flow each time.
There are Three Stages to a spiritual transformation. (If you want to learn more check out “Meet the Infinite You”.)
- Fighting the Light.
- Finding the Light
- Experiencing full freedom in the Light.
Remember this in each phase and it’ll help you to remember when it’s time to STOP, Look, Let, Love flow and transform a dense emotional state to one of clarity, courage and emotional freedom. If you are practiced at the Basic Activation of Divine Light Vibrations meditation. Pay particular attention to the first step and last step.
General Phases of Grief:
You can’t believe they’re gone and you won’t see them again.
You regret the words or acts of love you didn’t express while they were still alive. Conversely, there are also the words or acts of anger, frustration, and/or being shut down that you wish you hadn’t expressed.
Directed at yourself and/or others, judgement is a common defense mechanism in the pain of loss.
For full freedom, extend it to all involved when the emotions of judgement rise up, including yourself.
We learned in youth that if we give ourselves recriminations, it might somehow absolve us and keep us safe from other people’s anger or judgements. Self-recrimination is often tied to feelings of regret.
For a moment, you totally forget your loved one has passed on.
The part of you that identifies with the role of your mother’s son no longer applies. The subconscious question is, “How do I fill that void?” You’ll see the answer you’ve given yourself through your outward actions.
Change can be scary and the loss of a parent is a major change in circumstances. Fear can take on many faces. Remember the acronym for FEAR: False Expectations Appearing Real. Look at how you’re projecting possible negative futures to give yourself insights to where and how you’re projecting your fears.
Fear of Death.
This is so firmly anchored in the collective consciousness, it’s like the unspoken proverbial “elephant in the room”. We know death is real, yet we try to act like it isn’t… and still hold ourselves back in fear of it. The passing on of a parent is like getting slapped in the face with death. And to live the passing gracefully, we also have to accept the “death of the old ways” to make room for the birth of the new in our own lives.
Resistance to death is intimately connected to the collective consciousness’ subconscious belief in some faceless power from above. Rolling around are subconscious and conscious questions of an angst-filled cry of, “Why?” A feeling of powerlessness against this faceless force can result in anger. It’s a part of feeling lost in the tides of change. It can make one lash out at others with “unfinished or unresolved emotional business” or lash out at oneself with negative self-talk.
This is a beautiful defense mechanism to keep your mind occupied while you process. Although it can allow you the luxury of keeping the floodgates of grief from opening all at once, it’s important to take care it doesn’t become a newly ingrained behavior that keeps everything bottled up.
This comes in its fullest form with time.
Each will honor the role the loved one played in their life in their own way. It might be through story; ritual; a keepsake altar or album or drawer; and through memories tenderly held in mind and heart.
This can come to you at first intellectually, but it will resonate in your emotional world, and is an inherent part of the grieving process.
Through it all, tears are an organic and healthy emotional release as you well know. Still, we’ve learned that it’s a sign of weakness to express tears in public. Maybe we don’t want to burden others… or make them uncomfortable… or show vulnerability because that is scary.
Naturally, when you’re ready, feelings of loss can be transmuted to feelings of fullness for having experienced life in some way, shape or form with them. It’s a process, the phases of grief can come in different ways. More than one phase can be happening simultaneously, overlapping with another.
I hope this helps you understand your own phases of grief and mourning process and afford you deeper empathy for how others are dealing with theirs.
You ask, “Why is it so emotional to meet people for the first time after my loved one passed on?”
You’ll find your answer in the phases listed above.
Meeting new people can be uncomfortable when you are unsure of what to say or what to do. In this time of upheaval, it can’t be any easier. It can, however, make you stronger and more flexible in your Light and add immensely to your human experience. Lean into it. You’ll be glad you did.
Remember this: If you’re meeting someone new in the context of your mother’s passing, in their own bumbling way, people want to honor your mother and afford you some kind of comfort. They, too, are stumbling around in the dark emotionally. Be gentle with them and yourself.
When you feel ready and strong enough to ask, the salient questions are:
Who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to become?
Remember the principle of how the question IS the answer wanting to reveal itself to you. Listen within. When you’re ready. One step at a time.